Here’s a basic rule: if you’re reading or watching a Shakespeare play, and you’re not imagining the actors standing in front of a mosh pit of jeering Londoners waiting to throw vegetables at the stage, you’re doing it wrong.
Shakespeare might have written the best works in the English language, or given us profound insight into the nature of humanity, or whatever — but his works wouldn’t have survived to our day if he hadn’t been popular when he was alive, and he wouldn’t have been popular when he was alive if he hadn’t been able to please the crowd. And that includes a lot of dirty jokes. A lot.
Sometimes in incredibly inappropriate places. We’re here to rescue a few of those for you, and retroactively embarrass the heck out of your fourteen-year-old self, who had to stand up in English class and read things that, in retrospect, are absolutely filthy.
This isn’t about the stuff that always does crack fourteen-year-olds up in English class, but is totally innocent: the “bring me my long sword, ho!” sort of thing.
But the kids who lose it every time the word “ho” is uttered are closer to the spirit of Shakespeare than the teacher who demands they treat the words like museum pieces.
Sure, it would be awkward for teachers to explain the Elizabethan double entendres to their students — but pretending they don’t exist makes Shakespeare seem unnecessarily stuffy and difficult.
So we’re going to start with the most obvious innuendoes, and move on to some seriously advanced sex punnery that is probably going to blow your mind.
why doesn’t anywhere sell normal clothes for women? like i want a plain black fuckin sweater not a mohair cross stitch embroidered cropped asymmetrical slouch longline short sleeved drop hem thing with a hole in the back
"You’re a girl so act like one". Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize my vagina came with a terms and conditions manual.
STOP ASSUMING FEMINISTS DON’T CARE ABOUT MEN WHO’VE BEEN ABUSED
YES ABUSE HAPPENS TO MEN
YES MEN AREN’T “ALLOWED” TO REPORT IT OR BE EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT
PATRIARCHY SAYS MEN ARE EMOTIONLESS, WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL, AND EMOTION AND VICTIMHOOD ARE FEMININE WEAKNESSES
DON’T LIKE IT? SMASH IT WITH US.
JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST.
hi im a woman living in a post apocalyptic environment/desert island on a tv show and i have the smoothest armpits u have ever seen
hi im a woman in medieval times and my eyebrows r perfect and I have no leg hair
hello im a viking woman in a movie and i have a thin and trim waist and a huge rack and perfect eyeliner
THIS EXACTLY THIS.
Customer Service: It Gets Worse.
Oh. My. Gosh. If you haven’t seen this yet, watch it. So accurate it’s almost physically painful.
this is why I’d rather be unemployed
I’m getting flashbacks.
"Would you like your Frosty small, medium, or large?"
"…Would you like your Frosty small, medium, or large?"
if you’re rude to someone in the customer service industry when they’re just doing their job
you can fuck right off uwu
Waiting for this moment my whole life.
Wonder Woman isn’t tricky she’s a fucking female warrior fighting for peace how hard is that to understand?
"She doesn’t have a set origin" fuck off either have her the daughter of a god (that shit worked for Thor) or take a cool creative risk and go with the whole made out of clay story. it’s not that complicated you are professional writers you can figure it out
"the invisible jet doesn’t make sense" just give her a fucking stealth bomber or don’t include it it’s that fucking simple
”The movie wouldn’t sell” fuck you you’re sexist. if they give it the same treatment they give batman or superman it will sell just as well
"Wonder Woman isn’t as popular as Batman or Superman!" MAYBE BECAUSE SHE HASN’T HAD ANYTHING NEW FOR LIKE 30 FUCKING YEARS
just hugh jackman dancing to loving u with bora.
finding fanfic of your otp:
finding fanfic of your otp where another character is villainized because they “get in the way of your otp in canon”:
I just wanna take a moment to get on my tumblr high horse and complain about why statements like this aren’t okay. And why shitheads like this make me mad.
So, as a cosplayer, I expect a fair amount of criticism from the public. And the truth is, if i sincerely believe that whatever the critic is saying to be true, I will take it into consideration and try to fix it.
In the last few months I’ve had people tell me, on my own page or statuses I’m blatantly tagged in that I’m
- too old
- not accurate (which in many cases I’ve found the people haven’t done their research and just assume something is wrong when it, in fact, isnt — if it is actually inaccurate I’ll offer up a rationale or admit I just didn’t care/was lazy…it happens.)
- not pretty
- and now too pale
Again, when you put yourself in the public eye you expect that kind of feedback but it doesn’t make it okay.
I’m not personally offended by these words, because if I was, I wouldn’t continue to do the shit I do. If I thought I was too fat or ugly to do something, it would be awfully difficult for me to continue doing it, yes?
But there are people out there who are new or apprehensive to cosplay and who DON’T have that level of confidence. Many times, cosplayers are people who don’t have another place and find warmth in the nerd community — so when assholes like this backlash and make people feel like they shouldn’t do something because they’re not [adjective] enough for something or they’re too [adjective] for that character, it’s really fucking petty and stupid.
That’s why I continue to respond to morons like this. Because if I ignore it, I feel like I’m continuing to send the messages that shit like this is okay. It may seem like an over-reaction but by standing up for myself and making him look like an asshole, that’s one more trolly motherfucker who won’t go out and ACTUALLY hurt someone else’s feelings.
Also, can I point out his sexist rationale that I cosplay for male enjoyment. God forbid a woman do something sexy that isn’t -GASP- for the pleasure of a man. Go fuck yourself. I do stuff because -I- enjoy it, and I have real followers who like Persona (or other series I cosplay) and they ALSO enjoy it. I like meeting fellow fans, and, guess what. -I- enjoy fan service. For myself. And I know some other people do too. I do it for myself and for other true fans of the franchise. Not to be your fap material.
“Why should we care about women’s representation in video games?”
“Nobody is going to want a female protagonist!
“Their target audience isn’t big enough to warrant any games!”
“Women aren’t as capable as men, they don’t belong in video games!”
“If more women started playing video games, maybe then they’d have a say in the matter!”
If you’re a girl and you hit, punch, or physically harm your boyfriend in any way it’s still considered abuse and you’re equally as much of a piece of shit as any guy that hits his girlfriend. Seriously the amount of girls that disagree with this is ridiculous, and they’re all fucking stupid. Sorry not sorry.